Gone are the simple, straightforward divorces of yesterday where at least some decorum was present. It has been replaced by a process of complex, anguishing decisions. Leaving in its place a wake of emotional turmoil, loss and financial ruin that some families never fully recover from before entering the process a second and third time.
Today’s divorce environment can and often does involve restraining orders, allegations of domestic violence and child abuse from the onset of the divorce and not later in the process as once was the situation in a few case. It is the new standard for nearly all cases now. As one parent attempts to gain an advantage in custody, assets and financial issues. Where nothing is presumed for custody in a winner takes all behavior and anything goes.
The last one standing with the financial resources to maintain legal representation and who looks the best, sounds the best and has custody of the children prevails. It is a cruel process and becoming more cruel with each year as if that were even possible!
Let this be a wake up call to mothers. Allegations of domestic violence and child abuse resulting in arrests and loss of custody are being filed in growing numbers against women. These issues are no longer applicable to men with the occasional exception involving a woman.
Legal fees in a high conflict divorce and custody case can start at $100,000 for each parent and can easily increase from there to $200,000, $300,000 even more for middle income parents who sell, mortgage or pawn whatever they can to continue the process. Even an amicable divorce can run $50,000 depending on the number of issues that need to be sorted out. As a parent entering this process you cannot afford to be uneducated, naive or alone.
Let me give the following example. When Tom Cruise and his then wife, Nicole Kidman divorced they spent more than two and half years, mudslinging at one another before finally reaching a settlement and a tremendous amount of money. Fast forward Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reached a settlement in a matter of weeks for a fraction of the cost.
The father of Katie Holmes a very successful trial attorney himself planned and retained a top notch team of attorneys. He executed a nearly flawless divorce settlement leveraging information to obtain the settlement which not only helped his daughter but brought resolution to the entire family quickly and less emotionally than ever thought possible. Katie Holmes divorce really demonstrates that no matter the assets or issues involved that properly managed, settlements can be obtained for less money and in less time than thought possible.
That is the benefit of critical strategic planning in a divorce. It means less emotional and financial toll so that families can go on with their lives and care for their children without the hatred that the divorce process so often involves. Without allegations of domestic violence, allegations of child abuse and without restraining orders if applicable. While parents marry for emotional reasons, when they divorce, it is the termination of a civil contract, similar to the termination of a partnership in a business.
Although it is not the intention of the courts to encourage the outrageous behavior that is so common place now, with violation of court orders, withholding of custody, late or early returns of the children, burglary, stalking and other egregious behavior bent on breaking/destroying the other parent - it is the result nonetheless to the detriment of all, families and the courts
The courts are understaffed, overwhelmed, and overburdened owing to the current process where bad behavior and not good behavior is rewarded. And that is on top of the budget cuts resulting in the closures of 20 - 25% of civil courts nationwide. Increasing delays and backlogs to hear on any of the matters. Where litigation carries the day no matter the evidence or fairness of the situation. There is no justice in Family Law. There is only what you can pay for that carries the day for most parents. At least that is what most parents feel and most professionals too.
An attorney is no longer sufficient to deal with the case and collateral impact of a divorce in and out of the courtroom. I have 32 years experience dealing with Family Law. 24 years as a law enforcement officer, the last 8 years as a Child Custody and Divorce Coach. A prior first responder to child abuse investigations, patrol, detectives. With experience in children's court, juvenile court and criminal court. My scope of experience is much broader, more comprehensive and longer than most in the field of Family Law. The prior president of Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC) and a prior board member of Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) I also have a comprehensive background in this controversial area of custody.
While still a law enforcement officer I spent ten years researching Family Law. In the process I identified that Family Law may be responsible for 25% of the crime in the United States; homicides, suicides, child abuse, abductions, domestic violence, violation of restraining orders, violation of court orders, stalking and more. To put just one of those numbers into perspective that is 3,500 to 4,000 homicides a year related to Family Law, averaged over a ten year period.
As an experienced Divorce Coach with a law enforcement background, my expertise and experience in restraining orders, child abuse investigations, radio calls related to custody and divorce issues, criminal court and children’s court by your side I am in a much better position to provide information and assistance to keep you from spinning your legal bills out of control on unnecessary court dates, issues that you could resolve differently and the many problems that arise in and outside the courtroom.
As your Divorce Coach I can provide you with options and information so that you can make better legal decisions to keep you out of court when you shouldn’t be there and go to court when you should. Assist you with your attorney communications, explain phrases and the process in language you can understand, tips on preparing for court, help oversee, draft and edit communications with the other parent and your attorney so that they are not used against you in court, develop a better relationship with the other parent and your attorney. In general obtain a more beneficial outcome whenever possible.
Being able to reach your attorney or other team member on your case, is critical to reassuring parents vulnerable to emotions and poor decisions at that moment or later. As your Divorce Coach, I answer the phone during nonbusiness hours. Weekends, evenings and weekends to answer your questions when no one else is. While I do not guarantee 24/7 service 365 days a year, often I come close to it.
With out of the box thinking, resources and access to experts and other information rarely understood, known or utilized I can provide what few attorneys much less what few other Divorce Coaches have access to. For a fraction of what you would pay your attorney. Allowing you to maximize your attorney and keep billing to a minimum. My hourly rates are $150.00 an hour with a ten hour minimum.